Monday’s can be difficult.
You wake up, it’s the start of a new week and you might be feeling a bit anxious.
Your mind is racing ahead to all the things you need to do and all the challenges you need to overcome.
It can be a bit daunting.
So here’s a mood booster for you.
A reason why you don’t need to feel so bad, why you should be grateful for your life and why today is a great day to be you.
Here’s the idea, from Epictetus, the famous Roman Stoic:
“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”
This quote has been posted everywhere online, and you’ll see different versions of it.
But the issue with a quote is that you don’t see what’s underlying it: the true theory behind it.
Which is a shame, because this is the most profound idea we can ever learn about ourselves and the world.
Life is just opinion.
We react to our judgments and opinions.
We react to the stories we tell ourselves.
We react to our thoughts.
We don’t react to things themselves.
Essentially, we have lenses of judgment that sit between us and the world which act as a filter.
And these lenses of judgment are so familiar, we forget we even have them on.
We just blindly follow their opinions, narratives, and judgments.
And let our lives be ruled by them.
But these natural lenses of judgment are skewed towards negativity and criticism.
They are instinctively critical.
Which is an issue.
Because when things happen to us in the world, these stories we tell ourselves determine how we feel.
If these lenses of judgment were always positive, it wouldn’t be an issue.
But sadly, they aren’t. They’re often very negative.
Which makes our lives worse.
Take, for example, a close friend saying something hurtful, rude, or unthoughtful towards us.
The impact of this external event on our lives depends entirely on how we interpret it.
You can interpret it negatively and say how horrible this person is, how you never want to see them again, and how you don’t want to be friends anymore.
This road leads to arguments, resentment, turmoil, and unhappiness.
This is often how our default lenses of opinion and judgment will view the situation.
And it’s not good.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If we take the Stoic advice, we can choose a different, more productive narrative.
We can tell ourselves that this person is struggling, they are tired, they are insecure. This is why they said something hurtful. They didn’t mean to hurt me. I have empathy for them and their situation. I didn’t do anything wrong. I should show patience and understanding.
How this changes things!
We now develop appreciation for the other person’s worldview.
And develop a lens of judgment that isn’t damaging to our relationship and to our own happiness.
Crucially though, we feel better in ourselves.
This is all situational, of course.
It depends on your life and the circumstances you are faced with.
But the key message is to more carefully choose how you are interpreting the world around you.
And to develop a lens of judgment that is going to make you happier and a more fulfilled person.
The Stoics seek to become conscious of these judgments, to find the irrationality in them, and to choose them more carefully.
I advise you to do the same.
Other examples of better judgments and opinions of situations might look like this:
When dealing with other people we find difficult:
“I have empathy for this person. They are suffering, just like me. Maybe more than me. Getting angry with them is irrational and unhelpful for both of us. They weren’t trying to annoy me. They’re just trying to get by, like we all are.”
When dealing with a situation that appears to damage our status, wealth, reputation, etc.:
“This event did not happen because the world is cruel and out to get me. It’s just unlucky, and on another day, it could have gone differently. I tried my best and that’s all I can do. On the universal scale, none of this matters anyway. My life is just one of many, and most people’s problems are worse than mine. I’ll be dead before long, so no point moaning. Be kind to others. We’re all struggling. See the positives, learn, and move on.”
With these lenses on, we become better people. More tolerant people.
Which attracts others to us.
Which will bring us more joy, love, and success in our lives.
Learn to become conscious of your inner judgments of the world.
And know that if you choose to see the positives in everything, you will feel better.
It’s up to you. It’s all opinion and how you frame things.
Love, as always,
Max
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